I missed another day of writing. Oops.
I do have good reasons so please don't put me up against the firing squad just yet! *laughs*
Not that I think it really matters, I don't think a lot of people read my blog anyway. It doesn't get a lot of reads when I check it. But I still do it. Why partly sanity and partly to keep people in the loop of what is currently happening.
And believe me I have been busy! And it just keeps getting busier as the 22nd rolls around. We have now actually had to expand the garage sale into a 2 day event! I really didn't expect when I asked people to help out and donate their goods to my garage sale for it actually to expand to the size that it has! I thought it was going to be this nice sized garage sale where I could make a few bucks to simply put in a bank account soley for the purpose of adopting. BOY was I wrong. My grandma's basement currently looks like other people's house threw up in there! I mean boxes upon boxes of stuff seeping out of the one corner I was allocated!
This garage sale has become a full time job for me. Whoever does fundraisers for living, I tip my hat to you and give you the biggest amount of kudos! Holy Heck! It consumes most of my thought process, from the time I wake up I am wondering what steps I need to take next, what has to be cleaned up, what has to be written down and what has to be priced! I am dreaming of price tags! This right now is my life. And yes I will admit stress has sunk in, I have succombed more that once to the complete feeling of being overwhelmed. I have stopped looked at everything that once made up my dining room (now cascaded in my gramma's basement) and said ok enough is enough! But the generosity just keeps pouring in. I take a breathe step back remind myself this is for my child and just push on.
I mean isn't that what parenthood is all about? I am not even a parent yet (even though I know my child is out there!!!!) and I am already striving to do what is best for my child. To make sure that my child comes into a home where they are taken care of because mom and dad did everything in their power to get them there. It will be a constant battle from here on out, and my armour is on. I am ready for the fight, the struggle and what all comes with it.
I read a blog this morning that someone shared into my newsfeed on facebook. I guess I have a different preception of life, and motherhood than a lot do. Because seriously this blog at the end of it I was like ARE YOU CRAZY? But then again maybe people read my blog and think the same thing. Because she goes to say she sees these mothers, doing all these things stressful or not. Then goes to say I don't know how you got that child, if you have struggled with infertility etc. So if you are saying you don't know what walk of life they come from - how do you know there is no such things a perfect mother? She also uses analogies as wanting to throw your 3 year old out the window and taking a lamp across your teenagers head.....I am sorry but if she knows people like that or she herself has ever felt that way she needs anger management. Or she needs to get help for those people. No matter how stressed you may feel if you are talking about causing harm to your child in such manners, you are fully in the wrong. If at any point in the day you look at your child and those thoughts cross your mind, you really shouldn't be a mother. Kids will press your buttons, and they will try and get away with the craziest stuff out there. But it is your job to continue to love them guide them down the right path and continue to love them. Stress may get the best of us but when thoughts become that intense that you would write them down in that manner.... Forgive me but it makes me angry. Call me naive, call me jaded. Call me what you will. to me it is plain. Wrong. I know many women who are mothers, and I have NEVER heard those words come out of their mouths
So enough on that, I didn't comment on her blog telling her she was complete looney tunes. But I sure am thinking it, and will write it in my own blog. Perfection may be a hard goal to achieve but I know kids out there who are so happy *even adults* who say their mother was as close to perfection as possible. Most children even though they may get angry and say hurtful things at the end of the day wouldn't give up their parents for anything. That to me sounds as close to perfection as possible. When your kid graduates highschool and the first words to come out of their mouths are Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad, you know what I am talking about.
No, I am not a mother YET. No I am not a professional on the subject of children. All I have is a hope and a dream in my heart for my child to think I am the perfect mother. And at the end of the day the way I see it is if your child loves you more than anything you ARE the perfect mother. Who cares what others think of you? I know anyone who reads this knows others moms, and you look at them and think you wouldn't do things their way, or on the other hand wish you could do things as good as them. Does that make you a worse mother? HECK NO. It makes you the best mother your child could ask for. We are all going to do things different, but the only opinion that matters is the childs. Who cares if another mother doesn't think you are perfect.....their words mean jack.
You know I really envy those mothers who are biological mothers. From day 1 you get to know everything about your child, you get to learn every second they are alive. You get to have that special bond from the beginning and you get to have that child think you are the bees knees from the moment they take their first breath. I will never have that, I don't get the chance to know that child from the beginning. My story is a whole different one and my journey is going to be completley the opposite. I have to hope that my child bonds with me, I have to hope that my child looks at me with the innocent gaze that biological children have for their parents. I have to hope that they can forget their past they were born into and look to the better future I will provide.
My road may be the harder one, but that just means that I have to work that little bit harder to be the perfect mom for my little tyke. It is my goal to strive every day for him/her to be the best damned mom I can be. And when I hear those words Thanks mom - I will know I have done something right, and that is all that matters. I may do things different than other moms, but that is my right. I won't ever judge another mother for doing things wrong, as I never have. I don't know what it is like to be a mom, but I know I will when the time is right.
So let me end this by saying Congrats to you moms out there! you are as perfect as you can be, and if you don't believe me take a look at your child(ren) They may push your buttons, but underneath all that childhood drama we have all gone through, they truly do think you are!
xox Kate xox