So my goal is to write here every day so that eventually I will share this with my family and friends once we decide to break the news of our adoption journey. Being such an organized person I hope to be able to complete this goal.
But right now my brain hurts. No one warns you when starting the process of getting that special child who is meant to be in your life that researching and reading so much will leave you in the process of feeling like you are a tilt a whirl and just can't get off! I feel like I am absorbing so much information that my brain is going to explode. But if it means eventually I will get the child I am meant to have it is all worth it in the long run. I will do whatever it takes to become a mother and I am only in the beginning stages.
I won't let it get me down, I will keep pushing forward. It is a good thing that determination is a strong suit of mine. But I read in the one book I am reading right now "The Complete idiot's guide to Adoption" That the majority of the time your social worker will ask you for what is called an adoption resume of yourself. You have to write two pages all about yourself what would make you a good parent, and your personality etc....yikes. It is like that job interview where you completely freeze when asked "Tell me about yourself" Ummm....I like purple I like cats.....yah that stuff just doesn't matter. How does one person really evaluate themselves when under the pressure of it being that you will be the role model and caregiver to a child who needs someone in their life to be there for them and be stable. I don't know why I am meant to be a mother, I feel it in my bones and my heart that I was always meant to be one, and I just know that feeling. But that won't be good enough. So while reading the insides and out I now have to evalutate myself. A Task that many others have gone through and survived.
I have been a good role model for my neice and nephews and other children I have come in contacted or had the pleasure of being a caregiver for even if for a few hours. I know I am capable and I know that I have the drive and the morals to know I can do this to the full extent. Yes I know if placed with an infant sleep will be non-existant, laundry will be happening 24/7 and my social life as I know it will be forever altered. Does any of this bother me? Nope. I would give my left arm to be able to experience the pleasures of raising a child.
Of course being a woman I have always had that dream of carrying a child and experiencing motherhood from the first wave of morning sickness, to feeling the baby kick to upwards of 40 hours of labour. But I know that I will never get that chance so all I can do at this point is accept my fate and thank the birth mother and father that will eventually be the biological parents to my child. Whether that child is born at this point or going to be coming into the world, that child is meant to be in my home with 2 people willing to give the love support and caring a child deserves. I know I won't be a perfect parent, and I will make mistakes but isn't that what a parent really is? A human who even though they tend to falter always picks themselves up off the ground and thinks about the childs needs first and foremost.
It may be a lot to take it, but cheers to the future, and the process of bringing a child home.