I sit and I think back to the days of sex ed classes.
They scare the bejezuz out of you thinking that if you even touch another boy you are going to get pregnant. So all of my life, I was so safe. Birth control for both the male and me. No way was I getting pregnant! But here is the funny thing those sex ed classes never once prepared us for. Infertility. That was never the option it was we were to grow up finish school and get married have the perfect job get married and reproduce.
Boy was I lead down the wrong path. Watching my brother become a father at the age of 19 and his girlfriend at the time (now his wife) was 16 when she got pregnant 17 when she delievered. I was 15 when my first nephew was born (a month shy of turning 16) and I could never imagine being a mom that young. Now don't get me wrong she is a good mom, but to each their own. I took every procaution there was to later at the age of 19 to find out I would most likely never carry children.
So now with dealing with the heart break of learning this, I knew that I could still get the rest. WRONG. I never got the dream job, but I did get the perfect man. Peter, the love of my life the man I met by a simple gaze from across a crowded bar. It was love at first sight, something I never believed in till I laid eyes on him. Maybe just possibly maybe I could have that happy after ever I always dreamed of. Now almost 11 years later I am still with him about to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.
But as happy as I am, not being able to bear his children has left me feeling like I am not giving him everything he deserves in life. We have a very rare last name, that without a child won't be carried on past him. To then find out the news that he himself is infertile. There I said it. We are both infertile and will most likely never have our own biological children.
So a couple of months ago we decided to start researching adoption. It has been a long process especially right now keeping it to ourselves. People have somehow picked up on it though, it seems that since we have started reading book after book my family has been asking me if I have considered adoption. So I know that my fear is holding me back from sharing right now, because we aren't sure if we are going to go public or private. We have ruled out international completely.
And funny how things happen as well. We start talking about our options and this amazing woman who is not only an adoptive mother, but also a well known foster mother has been introduced into our lives. her and her husband currently have 4 foster children and 2 they have adopted in their home. She has fostered 86 children in 18 years and is the most wonderful person I could have ever asked to know. She is upbeat, very hands on with the children and the perfect role model.
So does this mean all signs are pointing to yes? Only time will tell at this point we are still learning, and trying to figure out how to cover the costs. Family parenting classes, homestudies, CAS, private....so many things rolling through my mind I don't know how to put it all together yet.
All I know is that children or a child makes sense. it has since that fateful day back in grade 7 where they started to scare me.