Ok yup.....life happens.
It has been a mix of emotions the last couple days. Nothing really about adoption even though I notice that no matter what topic that comes up lately it always turns into adoption.
Allergies this year have been so brutal for me. They have been causing massive sinus pressure and dizziness that I am not used to from my previous years experience with them. Usually it is just the itchy eyes throat and runny nose. Not this year, I feel like I have been smacked upside the head with a basbeall bat, and nothing I do seems to combat them. It is like there is some superstrength level of ragweed out there. Pollen sucks!
Then last night we went to a Depeche Mode Concert in Toronto. Got these tickets so long ago that it felt like forever for the day to come. We sat so far back that we couldn't see the band very well at all. Oh well it was an experience. I really didn't want to go because A - it was outdoors. Anything outdoors right now just flares my sinuses. And B- Depeche Mode isn't really my favourite band or anything. I only got into them because Peter really liked them when we started dating *well no that is wrong he still really likes them now* but he got in me into some songs, and our wedding song is "Somebody" Which is a really good song. I spent a lot of the concert blowing my nose, pressing on my sinuses and trying to dance and have a good time. Had to enjoy myself at my last outing, well last one for a long time that is.
Even Christmas this year is going to be be "secret Santa" This year, or well to me Secret mythological guy. and it is only for the adults. As I have mentioned before I do a site called Swagbucks, which means my amazon account has quite a bit in it so I can afford to get my niece and nephews some gifts this year, but it won't be an extravagant one. I think that topic of Santa, will be left to another blog post because believe me I have a lot to say on that one. But all in all, no more trips, no more huge outings unless they are closer to the free side and life as I know will be changing. But of course for the good!
But isn't that the way it works? Every parent I know, well ALMOST every parent I know sacrifices their general needs and wants for their children, and to me that is the way to do it. A Child is to come first and foremost. Now maybe I am just diluded in my thought process because a child coming into my life is so important to me that I am 100% willing to give up anything. I know that we have to do something here and there or we will go stir crazy, but there are free things out there and very cheap things we can do for fun.
I don't mind giving up travelling. I have done so much of it in the last 11 years that I don't mind waiting for our child to be old enough to experience the joy of it. I don't believe in taking a baby on a cruise or away to a tropical destination. To me that isn't a vacation that is just doing your daily life in extreme heat. A Vacation is made for memories and what baby has memories? You want to do it when they are old enough to remember meeting Mickey, remember playing in the sand and building that huge sandcastle with dad. Or going on that cruise and doing all of those in one trip. Just sitting in a stroller waiting for their next feeding, or just sleeping through the whole vacation to me just seems kinda wrong. They need to be able to run around and do some fun things while you sit back watch them and just smile. Vacations are great. Something I look forward to planning in about another 4 years. Now remember these are my opinions and mine (And Peter's) alone. Don't take offense if you are one who has been taking your child on vacation since they were tiny as tiny can be. We just feel that there are more things to do when they are able to join you and not fully depend on you.
Summer is now over. School begins tomorrow and I am still waiting on hearing from CAS. Should hopefully be sometime this week. I honestly can't wait anymore. I hope I don't come off as impatient, because I am not. I have a lot of patience when it comes to life in general. I just want this so badly that I want it to start, if the process doesn't start well then really it can't finish. And if it can't finish I can't become a mom. So please don't misread my excitement as impatience. I know some of you who read this really don't know me, and can only judge me on what my fingers put on to this page. I know I have told you a bit about myself and those who know me know that I want this more than anything.
So before I end this I want to take a minute and thank those people who have been so kind and loving and generous with Peter and I. You guys are always on my mind when it comes to this process and I want you to know that. We can't do this alone and knowing that we have people backing us up with such supportive words and kindness is extremely amazing to both of us. I may not get the chance to thank you enough but I will try and remember and thank you when I get the chance. Because without support and love we would have nothing. I honestly thought I was going to get negative feedback, I guess the books I was reading were a little out of date! *laughs*
I have given up on books for now except for one that I will be picking up tomorrow whent he library re-opens on adopting the hurt child. I want to be as prepared as possible going through this and I think I have learned so far what I can on the actual process. Now time to learn where some of these children are coming from, I know what abandonment feels like, but I know nothing on how it feels like to be born with FAS, or Crack addicted, or abused beyond the sting of a belt.
Well I should close this for now. I hope you all have a wonderful Labour Day. Summer is coming to a close and I thinnk for the first time it doesn't bother me. Winter in Canada can be brutal, and I hate the cold so much - but if it means while the snow is falling I am going through the adoption process all I can say is BRING on the winter!
xox Kate xox