31 is coming to an end.

It is funny when you think about it how we are measured by our age.  Age is a number that will forever follow us and always consume our thoughts as we come upon the next one.  That number makes us feel old, it makes us feel too young and it can also make us feel unaccomplished or vice versa.  Funny what simple digits can do to a person.

 

I have to admit that I also have been consumed by this number at times, I have let it get to me and dwelled on those simple numbers.  I am 5 days away from ending my 31st year.  I often wonder how did I get here this fast?  How is it that I am not a mother when most people my age are often running around their second or third new child.  Their oldest by age usually ranges in the 7-10 age range.  But then I have to stop and think, does being 31 really have any thing to do with the time we get children in our lives?  Nope.  OK so I am going to be in my mid 30s by the time I get to be a mother.  Heck my husband is going to be closer to 50.  That doesn't stop us from wanting to push forward.  Age is just a number.  Just like there being 15 years between my husband and I, it never stopped our love for each other from growing each day.  

 

Peter's parents were 42 years old when they had him.  He was their little miracle.  Kind of like a situation we are going through now so our story just seems so fitting.  They were going to adopt a child because his mom was told she couldn't carry any more children.  They went through the whole process of going through the visits and were about to finalize when sure enough she found out that Peter was on his way into their lives! Now believe me I don't think in any circumstance this is going to happen for us.  I don't expect the fairy tale to happen that I go through with adoption and I end up with my biological child on its way.  That is the number one myth that comes along with adoption and I hear it all the time only to say, it is the same percentage of chance to get pregnant while adopting as when not going through adoption.  8 years of trying isn't going to all turn around just because I go to my meeting.

 

it didn't take me 31 years to realize I was born to be a mother.  It just took 31 years to find out that I am meant to have a whole new story then most people I know.  When I have no choice but to let out a bit of a giggle, because I should have realized much earlier that I was born to be much different than everyone else.  I am unique and very much so unlike most people who know me or are in my life.

 

On the stand point of my last post, I am starting to feel much better about having removed certain people out of my life.  It is making me feel a lot less stress and a lot more free from the obligation of being a friend when the feelings and sentiments weren't returned.  It has made me feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and confident that I will never let anyone treat me like such rubbish in my family or friendships again.  Life is too short to live feeling useless and unwanted when you put through so much effort.  I don't deserve to be punished for being such a good person.  Nor do I deserve to be made feel that money is all I am worth.  I don't have ATM written on my head or a slot for the debit card to come in and just take the money and walk away.  I am a good human being and if they don't want to give me their best someone out there definitely will.  Their loss.

 

Life goes on, sometimes we have to close a chapter in our lives to realize that the next chapter is going to be so much more rewarding.  We need to weed out the bad to let in the good.  Have I said enough cliches?  

 

I plan to raise my children with the values that people need to take and give equally in a relationship.  They need to put out for others to show they care but at the same time they are not to be walked all over.  I plan to teach them the morals that I hold strong to myself.  Treat others as though you wish to be treated.  So on and so forth.  All life lessons that might have taken me 31 years to have learned either the tough or the easy way but lessons learned non the less.   My child will be taught the true meaning of right and wrong, and how to uphold those values on a daily basis.  To always call and talk to those who are truely important and spend time with them.  It might not be every day but they need to know that if someone is there for them to always be there in return.  To love and be loved in return.  

 

Getting excited to go shopping for the little tyke!  A little nervous that we are doing this on Black Friday in the States, but looking forward to some huge deals!  Now I don't know if I am jumping the gun here because I haven't even been accepted, but I am so confident that we will be that I want to set up the room.  I want to show the Social worker that we are prepared in all cases because this means so much to us.  I can't wait to set up the room!  

 

Well not much more to report today!

31 years almost done and looking forward to the start of 32 because it means I am that much closer to becoming a mom!

 

Till next time,

xox   Kate   xox

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