12 years ago

12 years ago one of the most horrific and tragic events of our lives unfolded as we sat by and watched our tvs with tears in our eyes feeling useless and scared.  At the time I was living in Alberta and remember waking up to commotion in the house I was living in.  I got up thinking it was going to be a normal day but was I ever wrong.  I stared at the TV with my jaw to the ground and my face felt warm.  I reached up touched my cheek to the inevitabilty that I was indeed crying.


Sorrow filled my heart and fear consumed me.  I had to call my family to make sure that nothing was happening in Ontario.  I knew that we had the CN tower and large buildings in Toronto as well.  But looking at the time, I had to go to work.  As far as I knew at the time this was only affecting the United States, and when I say affecting I mean simply the damage.  Canadians felt this just as hard watching something happening so close to home.


My heart goes out to those who lost their fathers, mothers, wives, husbands brothers sisters daughters and sons that day.  What a huge tragedy.  One that will take senility and dementia in my old age to forget.  The world definitely changed that day.  


Years ago just before this happened, I am sure a lot of you remember that noise of antiicipation when you were on the computer waiting to hear Uh OH! and you knew you had a message from a friend.  The good ol days of ICQ.  I had this friend.  He had the same last name as me at the time (my maiden name) and that is how we ended up chatting.  He had quite a few years on me, so no it was nothing like that.  I do believe back then he was in his 40s and I was only 18.  he was a psychatrist and where I am going with this story is he worked in Manhattan.  While living in Alberta I didn't have full access to a computer, so as it happened my thoughts went straight to him.  I asked the person I lived with at the time to use their computer, they said yes and I went on ICQ.  He wasn't on.  I tried for days after, even months.  I never seen that little icon light up.  Never heard the uh-oh again.  I don't know what happened to him, but of course my thoughts went to the worst.


I don't know if my dear friend at the time, maybe missed his alarm - and just decided to never use ICQ again.  Maybe he was on his way and his subway stalled, something went wrong with the electical aspects of it.  Maybe he simply had the day off.  A whole lot of maybe's that I can speculate but will never know for sure what happened to him.  I can only hope that as of today he is seeing this date and remembering the terror and agony that struck his city and is either helping his patients in a new location or maybe by now has retired and is sitting on his swing with his wife watching his grand children run around.  


So yes, it didn't only affect the States.  Here in Canada we have ties to the States that made this event horrible for us.  We have the hearts so big that for that country we wept that day right along side of them.  We had that fear that being connected to that large country we could be next.  No one in North America felt safe that day.  


The thoughts of terrorism have never left any of us either.  I remember a couple years after 9/11 We had a major power outage.  It took out all the eastern sea board.  What were the first thoughts?  Omg is this an act of terrorism?  What is happening?  We were panic stricken, fear again consumed us waiting for the fate to repeat itself.  It was the middle of August only 2 weeks from the 2 year anniversary.  Power was out for 4 days before the majority of us found out it was because of some generator in Ohio that knocked the power out for so  long.  It wasn't terrorism, but no one could help but think it.  


So on this day we think back to the tradgedy we bow our heads and say a prayer for the victims and those who are still alive that lost those people they love.  This day will never be the same for anyone.  September 11, no matter what year will never be the same.  We want to continue to live normally, but our thoughts on this day are always the somber kind.  And that is really ok.  We are allowed to mourn the death of the fallen heros, and those who tragically lost their lives going to work on that day or doing whatever they normally did thinking that night they would go home to their families for supper.  Or those on the planes who thought they were taking a normal trip.  


After such an incident takes place, we learn to adapt and move on with our lives.  We may continue to live but we will never forget.  God bless everyone involved.


*** my side note- it doesn't feel right to write something on adoption today with so much mourning happening.  I know I missed yesterday as well, but I will continue my journey another day***


Till Tomorrow,

xox   Kate   xox

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